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Cetaceans, Obey Mighty Cthulhu!

Soulless wishy-washy bipeds who think that they're still human beings because they shop at all the same brand name stores is an irritation without end. (What happened to reading books and playing boardgames?). Nor is a little boredom spent at home reading a book or playing a game of chess so terrible that no fruit can be born from it.

Well, as yours truly was feeling rather fed up with the trash on the mainstream media, Vrilock settled down in the cool darkness of his living space to enjoy a good nostalgic half hour watching The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest.

As the story goes, Vrilock was watching an episode in which the villain, Jeremiah Surd, discovered a cetacean internet. In the beginning of the story our heroes, Jonny Quest and Jessie (his redhead girlfriend) are boating in the ocean, when the sea mammals without warning go absolutely berserk. The evil Mr. Surd discovers that sonar can act as a carrier wave for his mind control experiments on the wales and dolphins. The villainess, Julia, fits the virtual reality visor on Surd, and then manipulates some controls to project his consciousness into the water to match the sound frequency generated by creatures of the sea.

In exit from this brief retrospect, I would like to address your attention to the fact that truth is often stranger than fiction. As it turns out, we can accomplish some of these very same influences over creatures of the sea--and the sea itself!

Our method is psionics.

While Vrilock plugs in to the area of effect, so, too, is the appropriate disruption pattern selected for the job. In this case we call upon the powers of Sabnack. This spirit is notorious for sinking ships! What could be more desirable in the qualifications for this job?! So, too, shall we merge the visual power of the fictitious Cthulhu from the stories of H. P. Lovecraft, and have this mega- thought-form positioned in the desired area of effect! (This just leaves a delicious taste in the mouth, does it not?).


What can you do to help? Well, now, Vrilock is very impressed with your devote eagerness to participate in this little project. It is simple, really. You need a printout of the area of ocean (perhaps an aerial view stretching from the coast of Italy to Africa). Take a rate on your box for the sigil of Sabnack, and then visualize mighty Cthulhu swimming to the targeted area. Visualize Cthulhu as a colossal, black shadow under the sea moving right up to the target area where you want the results to manifest.

Now, instruct the spirit of Sabnack to fill this mega-thought-form with the embodying powers of Mighty Cthulhu. Program this construct to sink all boats before they can reach land.

Scan the news, and record any results. If one keeps at this long enough we may even see the revival of the antiquated streets of Europe.

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